Life is just a short walk from the cradle to the grave and it sure behooves us to be kind to one another along the way. -Alice Childress,
There’s a last time for everything. Sometimes, but not always, we get to choose when that will be.
With the recent passing of my mother, multiple last time thoughts and memories about our life together occur to me every day.
The last time I saw her. Just weeks before. The last time I spoke to her, just days before. What did I say that last time? What did I do? Was it enough? Could I have done more?
At ninety-seven, all of us knew that anytime could be our last time with her, and we thought we were prepared. But knowing a last time is coming soon doesn’t change the impact of it.
I imagine that remembering the last times with my mother, my dad, and friends who have passed away will stay with me forever. Every day something reminds me of a last time.
But I am not sure that’s a bad thing. It reminds me that being present in every moment is required just in case it is a last time.
It’s also a reminder that many last times are often out of our control.
Do refugees fleeing war or disasters realize it’s their last time seeing home, friends, or family?
Do we know the last time a child will hold our hand because they decide they are too old to do so anymore?
Do we know when will be the last time we speak to family and friends before they move on to another lifetime?
All our days are filled with last times, we just don’t notice most of them as they are happening. We often only notice when they are over.
But not all the last times are sad. They can be celebratory too.
It can be the last time we have to do a job we don’t like, or stay in a dangerous relationship, or worry about not paying the bills.
The point of all this for me is to remember to recognize each moment as a potentially last one. A good one, a sad one, a bittersweet one.
We can ask ourselves, how am I behaving in this moment?
- Could I do better?
- Be kinder?
- Be firmer?
- Know myself better?
- Listen more intently.
- Be more present?
Last moments or not, aren’t these all requirements of being a good person?
If something—a person or an idea—tries to separate us as a family, a people, a nation, couldn’t we choose instead to discover a way to find common ground?
To build, maintain, and strengthen communities gives us strength and encouragement as we all pass through last moments.
A tree we shared with a neighbor became dangerous, and Del and his son had to take it down. I recorded its last moment as a standing tree.
But that was not its last moments. It will become furniture, or a house, or heat, or mulch.
Last moments don’t mean the end. They just mean transformation.
So as we stay in the present, choose or not choose last moments, let’s remember that nothing leaves or goes. It transforms.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.”
Let’s choose to be works of art in life.
As for my mom, her last moments as a human on earth were quick and painless, as she often said she wanted it to be, and she joined my father in time for his birthday.
We all celebrated that moment.
>> Check out the video I made of the Oak Tree’s last moments as a tree. <<
BECA LEWIS coaches, teaches, writes blogs and books, plays with art, and is addicted to reading. She lives in Ohio with her husband and has kids and grandkids scattered across the country.
