Ways To Stop Being Discouraged

Discouragement is something everyone faces from time to time. In my last post, I talked about the need to shift, or pivot, or change our minds.

But something that often gets in the way of doing that is the feeling of discouragement.

So, as promised, here are some ways that have helped me, and my clients, discourage discouragement.

Discouragement haunts everyone. It is non-discriminatory.

Sometimes it pops up and surprises us with its appearance, or sometimes we can see it coming.

Often it shows its ugly self after we have said yes to something, and then nothing happens. No one comes to eat at our new restaurant, or buy at our store, or reads our books, or even notices that we’ve changed our hair, fixed the house, or made something new for dinner.

Or the response is so tepid we wonder why we bother. Who cares? It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not working. What’s wrong with me? Why can other people do lovely things in life, but not me?

Oh my gosh, the “why bother” form of discouragement stalks me almost daily. But since I know the way it operates, or what it uses, I have a better handle on how to send it packing.

Here are some of the things I notice that can open the door to discouragement, and then suggestions on what to do about it.

Stop following so many people’s advice:

Seriously. Pick a few people that you admire and trust. You like how they live their life, and the things they say rings true to you.

Let the rest go.

It doesn’t mean the other people are wrong. It’s just that we can only do a few things well, and listening to all the ways to accomplish something is just too dang confusing.

And a confused mind doesn’t know what to do.

Discouragement loves it when we are confused.

Learn less:

Too much information can make anyone crazy. Especially if it doesn’t fit who you are. Every time I go through a discouragement phase that lasts longer than a day, I start looking at what I am learning and decide if it fits my priorities.

Be honest with yourself:

Are you doing what you want to be doing? Or are you trying to fit someone else’s standard? We all have different ways and rhythms for doing things.

The only wrong way is when we aren’t doing it our way.

Get more information:

Sometimes to clear up the confusion, we need more information. However, we need to get it from the right sources. Is what they say true? Does it fit into the long term objectives of your life?

Sadly, not everyone has the same pure motives and right intent that you have. Be sure you are getting information from someone that knows what they are talking about and has your best interest in mind.

However, if you are like me and love knowing lots of things and gathering information, remember only to use what is needed. Enjoy the gathering, but don’t try to use it all.

Say yes to it:

When discouragement has sat down at our table and looks as if it is planning to stay for a while, what can we do?

We can give in to it, but for a limited time frame.

I saw a movie where the character played by Jody Foster set a timer and started crying. When the timer when off, she stopped, wiped off her tears, and got on with life.

Set your own kind of timer. Take five minutes, an hour, a day, a week, to delve into the feeling. When the time is over, stop. I call this a massive mood moment.

I promise you that if you give in to it for the allotted time, something weird happens. Discouragement loses its hold.

I think discouragement likes lurking, but once we are in control of how long it can stay, it scares it away. Maybe discouragement gets discouraged!

Regroup and check the map:

Regrouping could be a pause, or it could be reworking a schedule, or getting more information, or throwing out what you thought was working and trying something new.

Is your car pointed in the direction that you want to go? Are you looking that way? Or are you looking one way, and driving another?

Learn, and try, something new:

It’s too easy to give up when technology moves so fast, or years pass, and it seems too late to learn. It’s never too late. When we learn something new, from knitting to coding, we open up new opportunities.

We never know when and how we will meet someone or learn something that will change everything in our lives for the better.

Stop caring (as much):

This is your life. Yours.

Even if your purpose is to serve other people, you have to start with yourself. Then, and only then, can you share what you are here to share.

Choosing your life first is not the “what’s in it for me,” scenario, it’s self-care. It’s where everyone ends up getting what they want and need — starting with you.

Care more:

Is your life purpose bigger than yourself? Will it outlast you? It doesn’t have to be a change-the-world purpose, but it should be larger than something you can finish on your own.

Discouragement has a hard time finding a place to live when we have a dream bigger than our daily life.

Step out into nature:

For me, a little work in the garden will chase away almost every little bit of worry or discouragement. But it doesn’t have to be a garden. Try walking in the woods, or sitting by a tree, or watching birds in the yard. Nature puts everything into perspective. Give it a try!

Ask for help:

YES! Ask for help from someone who can and will help. Don’t ask the wrong people. You know who they are.

Break the habit of asking someone who can’t help, or doesn’t know how to, or makes it worse.

Find a group of like-minded, trustworthy souls and hang out with them. There is nothing like having a place where no matter what you say, you are listened to and supported.

I call them a band of angels. Everyone needs them.

Give up?

Really, what’s the choice here? Sure, you and I know people who look like they have given up.

But can we? No.

We can’t allow discouragement to live too long inside our brain because we want to be useful, helpful, and make a difference.

And here’s the thing.

You are making a difference. But it’s not always visible. Sometimes just that small smile you gave to a stranger changed their life. If we stop looking for measurable results for everything and enjoy the process of life, discouragement fades away.

All of this is easy and hard at the same time. But each time we get up, dust ourselves off, and try again, we both learn something and trust ourselves more.

Maybe that’s all this is about anyway.

If I can be one of those people that helps, you know how to find me!

Beca

PS
Come take a course from me. My classes are always small, private, and life-changing. Since they are held on the phone, it doesn’t matter where you live. I promise we are the safe harbor from which to launch your boats. We can be your circle of angels.

Here’s where you can find the class list.

There is a class starting soon, and it may be just what you were looking for!