Sometimes We Have To Pivot

We’ve passed the halfway point in our Say Yes year. It’s time to look at how that’s going.

A crucial thing that we are learning is that in order to say yes to what we want, we have to say no to things we don’t want.

That’s not too hard.

But sometimes we have to say no to things that we do want because there is not enough time or energy to do everything. Really, there isn’t. So even though it’s a harder thing to do, we still have to do it.

So this year we are learning to say more no’s than yes’s.

Other things may have happened, too.

Perhaps we have learned that what we said yes to isn’t what we want after all. Finding that out is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? It means that we can pivot to what we want now.

There may be many pivots before landing on what it is we want, but no one said we couldn’t change our mind.

Oh wait, some people did.

We’ve all heard versions of sayings like these: “You made your bed now you have to lie in it. You married him. You have to stay. You poured all that money and time into it, and now you want to do something else?”

Well. Those sayings are wrong.

We’ve said them. We may have believed them. Now we can unsay them, and recognize them as lies. We can, and must, change our mind when we find we are going in the wrong direction.

If we were driving to California and discovered that we were heading east, would we wait until we hit the Atlantic Ocean before turning around? Or when we miss the exit on the freeway. No. We’d correct our mistake as quickly as possible.

What makes life different?

In our cars, we might be the only ones affected. As long as we give the people following us plenty of time to know that we are switching lanes or turning around, it’s expected.

In our lives, that’s not the case. When we change our minds, other people are affected long after we have turned around or switched lanes. And of course, we care what happens to people who have counted on us to go one way and not another.

There are no easy answers, but here’s the truth. It’s our life. And even though it might feel as if it will harm others when we change our mind, it will hurt them less in the long run.

Why? Because, if we don’t pivot, we won’t be living as ourselves, and there are consequences to that. Long ranging ones. It shows up differently for all of us, but none of those results are what we want.

For us to live the life we were meant to live, we will have to change lanes or pivot, sooner or later.

Often people choose to change with us, and sometimes they are happy to do so. On the other hand, it might not work that way. However, we must still choose to do what we are meant to do in ways that work for us.

To do this effectively and gracefully, we need to become experts at understanding our personal priorities. We have to know, deep within ourselves, what things are most important to us. And in what order we want them. Otherwise, days, weeks, years, lifetimes can go by with us driving towards the wrong destination.

To understand what our priorities are, I have a technique using qualities words. If you have ever taken a class from me, you are already an expert at this. But if you want to learn how, here’s a free PDF on the technique.

This step is critical because if we get this wrong, we could spend an entire lifetime saying yes to something, getting it, and then not being happy, and not understanding why.

I think back to sitting in my office as a brand new Certified Financial Planner and watching the men in the office (it was many years before I wasn’t the only woman) go up to the whiteboard posted across from my office door and record their sales.

They swaggered and bragged, which was a bit of a turnoff. But it wasn’t just that attitude that turned me off. It was how they looked. They didn’t look happy to me. I decided then and there not to base my business life on how my numbers were doing.

Do I always succeed in not being discouraged if my numbers are not good—not enough book sales compared to others, for example? No, I don’t. But that decision to not make numbers my priority remains.

I ask myself these questions instead.

Am I happy? Am I feeling healthy? Are people who work with me, or read my books, or know me, better off because of it?

If I can answer yes to these questions, no matter how timidly, then all is good. I am going in the direction I want to be going, even if it feels as if I am going the speed of a turtle down the freeway of life.

On the other hand, if the answer to any of those questions is no, it might be time to change my mind about how I am doing things, or what I am doing.

In the next newsletter, I’ll cover how I change my mind, and what I do when discouragement finds me, just in case it lurks in the corners of your life too.

Let me know if I can help!

Beca