I imagined little monsters, fairies, and witches walking by my house wanting something from me and I was terrified. So terrified, I was huddled behind the couch in the dark.
As I huddled behind the couch, I knew I was being irrational. No one would think I was home. After all, it was just children out for their night of trick or treating. But it was my first time home alone at Halloween, and I was afraid of the doorbell ringing and little children asking for a trick-or-treat.
I wasn’t really alone. My two-month-old son was with me. I was nineteen and already a mother. I wasn’t afraid of what I had to do to be a good mother, or student, or earn money for food. I could handle that.
Children at the door weren’t something I thought I couldn’t deal with.
Even now, all these years later I don’t really understand what I was afraid of. However, I do remember myself squashed into a little ball for hours because of some unknown fear until I was sure that the possibility of a trick or treater ringing the doorbell was over.
So every Halloween I ask myself a question.
What are you hiding from this year? Not behind the couch mind you. Not from trick-or-treaters. Not from monsters both real and imagined, but from things to do, and ideas that scare me.
I ask myself, “What are you resisting? What ghosts, memories from your past, are saying boo, causing you to say no to exploring what you want to do and then doing it?”
Perhaps we love horror movies and thrillers because it is a fear that can be seen and named.
It’s the vague dread, the resistance to who knows what or why that does the most harm to living our fulfilled and joyful life because we can’t name or see it.
Is it ghosts of the past that frighten us? The ghosts of when we started to believe that we were stupid, or incapable, or unworthy, or not good enough, or laughed at, or humiliated, or the wrong age, or the mistakes that we made that cause us to shut the doors of our lives?
Halloween is the perfect season to bring out those ghosts and de-robe them.
It’s the season when we can wear a costume and imagine ourselves to be whatever we want to be. We can put those unknown fears and monsters into a box and lock it. We can keep the key in case we want to let it out later, but while they are locked away, we can try a few things we have been putting off.
Now is the time, because regrets become another ghost that will periodically pop out and remind us how we don’t keep our promises to ourselves and others.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t make it about making money, or being popular, or doing what everyone else is doing, or getting approval. Just do something you’ve always wanted to do, and see what happens.
There is only one rule. Don’t hurt anyone else. We don’t want to become the monster.
And that may be one of the fears that keep us from not doing what we want to do. We are afraid we’ll hurt someone.
Let’s be clear about the difference between hurting others intentionally and hurting others because they don’t understand or support your dreams. That’s a choice they make. Give them a chance to make it. They may surprise you.
It always comes down to intent. What is your intent? To expand, encourage, open doors for others, be yourself, sing, dance, spread joy? Then go, go, go, go! Perhaps your decision will open the door for others to move forward. If not, bless them while you follow your heart.
Use the energy of this season of imagination and get out from behind the couch. Turn on the lights. Let life in.
Trick the fear and give yourself a treat this Halloween. The universe is waiting to give it to you. Knock on the door and open your bag as wide as it will go.
Expect the perfect treat designed specifically for you. Sweet with no harmful side effects.
BECA LEWIS coaches, teaches, writes blogs and books, plays with art, and is addicted to reading. She lives in Ohio with her husband and has kids and grandkids scattered across the country.
